Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
