I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
