drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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