I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
