I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We are all done wearing pants today
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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