doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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