i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
