I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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