I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
