I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
