I cockslap morals
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
