If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
