so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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