First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
