getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
