I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
