ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
