it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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