i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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