I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
