I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We have started to decorate penises.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
