I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
