When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
