He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
