We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
