i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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