Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
