Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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