R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
