Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
