i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
