so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
