tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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