2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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