after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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