he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
