Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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