woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
