I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
