Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
