The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
