last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
