Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
