it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
