found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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