I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
