I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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