i just google imaged poop.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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