we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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