when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
