I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
